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The grandkids are 12 and 9 now. And looking back, I can add more input to previous posts with the advantage of greater insight and experience, gleaned over the past years.
So today, I’m reliving the time I started Miss T setting the table when she was just three. It may seem like an inconsequential thing to do, but teaching kids good table manners can start with this simple step. And there are at least five life lessons kids can learn from this activity.
In this post, you’ll discover how I induced a three-year-old to set the table, how I added an incentive, and how her table setting capability has progressed since.
Check out the updated story HERE.
Occasionally, in future posts, I’ll look back on what we did and provide additional ideas, fresh thoughts, and possibly, more effective techniques. And I’ll report on how the blog posts have held up over time and their impact on the grandkids.
Resources for this Post:
- Trader Joe’s–a great place to buy flowers inexpensively for the dinner table.
- Clafoutis–a source for the place card stamp kit we use.
- Easy family dinners–some of my favorite, easy recipes for our weekly family get-togethers.
More Ideas about this Post:
- Flowers on the table elevate any everyday meal. No need to buy fancy bouquets. Use what you have in your yard–small snippets of a few blooms arranged in mismatched, inexpensive glass vases are perfectly fine.
- A surprising lesson I learned: when I couldn’t buy flowers during the pandemic lockdown, I found I could cut geraniums from my potted houseplants to decorate the table. The flowers are long-lasting. If they root, you could plant the cuttings to make new pots.
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]]>As the days went by and my cold refused to improve, I considered skipping my favorite tradition since we were now well past Christmas.
But I believe this dinner is important for the social development of the grandkids so I refused to let it go. We were finally able to get together on New Year’s Eve.
Why Special Dinners are Important for Kids
First, creating a special dinner occasion is important for kids to learn proper dining behavior and good table manners. Because they come dressed up, they know this is not our typical weekly Friday night dinner and they rise to the occasion, exhibiting their best behavior.
Second, the table is set festively to convey that this is a gala event. This means, no walking around during the meal or leaving the table before everyone is finished.
Third, the kids learn to sit with grownups and participate in the table conversation. It helps them to become comfortable with social interactions, which will stand them in good stead in life.
Parents are so busy just trying to keep everything together with work, school supervision, and Covid concerns, that these lessons around the table may not be a priority. This is where a grandma can step in to help grandkids develop social skills.
Setting the Table for a Special Dinner with Grandkids
While the holidays have come and gone, you can use these ideas for Valentine’s Day or any other special occasions with the grandkids.
- When the kids were toddlers, I would set out their unbreakable toddler plates and cups, but add whatever extra touches I was using for the adults, such as a Christmas cracker and the candy cane place card as shown in the photo above.
- For candlelight, so important for creating a festive mood, I used battery-powered tea lights in sparkly tea light holders. The battery lights flicker and look quite natural.
- As they got older, I introduced good china and glassware, but not my crystal stemware. Instead, I have a slim, easy-to-hold, fancy tumbler for a young child, who graduates to a squat wine glass when older.
- With the youngest now five years old, I decided to add real candlelight by introducing tall glass candlesticks. These were inexpensive so I could bear it if they were knocked over accidentally. It’s important never to leave lit candlesticks unattended with children present. A safer choice would be pillar candles, since they have a firm base.
- Since we were dining on New Year’s Eve, I set out stemmed IKEA champagne flutes that looked elegant, but cost about a dollar a glass, so the kids could join in a toast with sparkling apple cider. After the toast, the kids’ flutes were removed from the table.
How you set your table will depend on the ages of the grandkids and how rambunctious or mellow they are.
Table Setting: Starting with a Neutral Table
When I am planning a special table setting, I usually have some general idea in mind, but not a full plan. The design evolves as I gather the elements.
Here’s how this New Year’s Eve table setting developed:
I’d have loved to use good china and stemware for this special dinner, but still battling my cold, I knew Steve would have to do the washing up alone afterwards. So, I chose everyday white china and IKEA stemware, but selected good silverware as a concession to elegance. Everything–except the silver–would go into the dishwasher afterwards.
Add Color to your Table Setting
Here’s how I made the table setting pop. I added red napkins and gold snowflake-patterned Christmas crackers that I had cut out with my Cricut machine. Sometimes I buy the crackers, but by making my own, I can select the paper pattern and use ribbons generously to tie the ends. The big red bows add lively color.
Just introducing those two colorful items brightened the table immediately. The red napkins are polyester from Macy’s that I bought on sale years ago. They’re of good weight, and while not as absorbent as natural fibers, they can go into the washer and dryer, and require no ironing at all. Red is much more versatile than you might think: great for Valentine’s Day and Fourth of July celebrations.
Add Height to your Table Setting
Height adds elegance to your table setting; I set out three tall candlesticks. They are fragile, so you’ll want to consider what you can expect from the grandchildren’s behavior before taking a chance. While the candlesticks are inexpensive, glass bits everywhere would be a nightmare.
I also introduced height with gold and silver snowflakes that I had purchased at a craft shop years ago. I hot-glued two together, with a bamboo skewer sandwiched between, then cut the skewers to different lengths. To keep the snowflakes upright, I poked them into halved styrofoam balls covered with epsom salt to look like snowballs (see how at the end of this post). More fully round snowballs would be added later.
Fill the Spaces in Between
I wanted lots of candlelight so I added pillar candles from last year, that I had covered with epsom salt.
If you’re running a design along the length of the table, you’ll want some filler material to provide continuity and make the elements appear more cohesive. For a Thanksgiving table, when I use various types of squash, I add bunches of grapes or strands of ivy to bridge and fill in empty spaces. For this Christmas table, I used evergreen sprigs cut from discarded Christmas tree branches and snowballs made by covering styrofoam balls in epsom salt.
Usually, I would set themed place cards at each place. This year, I had planned to make snowflake boxes filled with homemade truffles as the place cards. But, dealing with my cold, I had to acknowledge that enough was enough.
A Note about the Epsom Salt Snow Effect
The pillar candles and styrofoam balls were coated in white school glue (such as Elmer’s) and sprinkled with epsom salt, similar to the snow-covered branches I made previously. The candles and snowballs will keep for another year or two; if the “snow” falls off, simply re-coat.
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We sat under a market umbrella on a beautiful spring day, enjoying a glass of wine…. It was a glorious way to rejoin the world.
Planning the Luncheon
As a cautious first step in my return to entertaining, I limited the luncheon to just one friend. We are both fully vaccinated, but I chose an outdoor setting as the safest option.
Just because we’re outside doesn’t mean we can’t use good china, stemware and linens. To keep to the South of France theme, I set my table with dinnerware purchased over years vacationing in France. While I could never afford complete sets of anything, I’ve learned to mix and match.
The tablecloth, bought at a warehouse sale from a French boutique in the U.S., has a lavender pattern so I tucked lavender sprigs into napkin rings.
Salade Niçoise is a specialty of the city of Nice, on the French Riviera. You’ll find that everyone has an opinion about what belongs in this salad. Still, here’s what they have in common: canned tuna, hard-boiled eggs, tomatoes, olives, anchovies, and a vinaigrette dressing. If you don’t like anchovies, just omit them.
For a super-simple dessert, make a luscious fruit sorbet. (They’ll never guess your secret ingredient!)
Menu and Prep Tips
While this is a simple salad, there is some cooking involved if you follow my recipe. The French-style potato salad is optional, but I like the creamy texture that contrasts with the crunchy vegetables and the satisfying heft it gives to a salad main dish.
To streamline preparation, make the potato salad and blanch the green beans the night before, refrigerate, and bring to room temperature before serving.
Since you need to dress the greens and assemble the salad at the last minute, prep all the ingredients in small bowls, ready for plating.
To accompany the salad, there’s nothing better than a fresh baguette from the bakery. And for dessert, keep it simple with ice cream, topped with strawberries and a drizzle of homemade chocolate sauce.
Slice the berries and toss them with a little sugar before serving so the strawberries begin to give up their juices. Pass the chocolate sauce in a small pitcher.
The recipe below is just a starting point. You can vary the vegetables, depending on what’s in season. This is not an exact recipe–you’ll end up with more vinaigrette than you need. Pour the remainder in a bowl and pass it, for guests who want extra dressing. Use any remainder for salad another time.
Salade Niçoise
- 3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
- ¾ teaspoon Dijon mustard
- ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
- ½ cup extra-virgin olive oil
- 2 russet or waxy potatoes (about 5 ounces each)
- 1 tablespoon white wine
- 2 teaspoons chopped herbs, such as basil or flat-leaf parsley
- 3½ ounces green beans, ends trimmed
- 4 cups prewashed baby greens
- ¼ small red pepper, sliced thinly
- ½ small cucumber, peeled and sliced
- 1 can (5 ounces) albacore tuna, packed in olive oil
- 4 anchovies (or more, if you like anchovies)
- 6 cherry tomatoes, halved
- 10 olives
- 3 hard-cooked eggs, quartered
- Thinly sliced onion rings from a sweet onion, for garnish
Method
- Make the vinaigrette: In a bowl, combine vinegar, mustard and salt; whisk to combine. Dribble in oil a little at a time, whisking vigorously until the oil is completely incorporated into the dressing. Taste and add more salt if, needed. You should have a little over ½ cup of dressing.
- Make the potato salad: Peel and slice potatoes ¼-inch thick. Add enough water to cover and boil potatoes until just tender. Drain, transfer to a bowl, and dribble the wine over potatoes, tossing so the potatoes absorb the liquid. While potatoes are still slightly warm, add 2 tablespoons of the vinaigrette and toss until vinaigrette is absorbed. Taste and season with salt and more vinaigrette, if needed. When cool, add herbs and toss again. Set aside.
- Make the green beans: Cover green beans with cold water; bring to a boil and cook just until beans are tender but still crisp. Drain, transfer to a bowl, add 2 teaspoons of the vinaigrette and toss. Taste and season with salt and more vinaigrette, if needed. Set aside.
- To make the salad base: In a medium bowl, add greens, red pepper, and cucumber. Toss with ¼ cup of the vinaigrette. Taste and season with salt and more vinaigrette, if needed.
- To assemble: Use half the ingredients on each of two dinner plates, dividing equally. First, portion out the salad base, spreading out evenly. Spoon potato salad in the center. Spoon green beans over the potato salad. Top with tuna, broken in large chunks with a fork. Add anchovies over tuna. Scatter tomatoes and olives around the edge of the plate. Position egg quarters, equally spaced, around the edge of the plate. Garnish with a few onion rings. Pass the remaining dressing.
Makes 2 servings.
Notes:
- Use best-quality canned tuna.
- I love olive oil, but if you like a subtler taste, use half olive oil and half vegetable oil for the vinaigrette.
- Black Niçoise olives are standard, but I’ve had various other kinds of olives in Salad Niçoise in France. For this lunch, I used kalamata olives because that’s what I had.
About the Tableware
Most everyone collects mementos as they travel. My favorite things to collect are Christmas ornaments and tableware. I can’t afford to buy complete sets of everything, and in some ways, I prefer not to–to avoid sameness when setting the table.
Sometimes, we have the fragile items shipped home; then it’s like Christmas when the packages arrive weeks later. Sometimes, we wrap the items carefully and hand-carry them back. These collections have a practical use and they bring back fond memories.
Here’s what’s on today’s table:
- Henriot Quimper faïence dinner plates–we purchased them after seeing how the china is made in the town of Quimper. We made a special trip to Quimper, a city in Brittany, just for the faïence.
- La Verrerie de Biot blue hand-blown bubble glass from Provence–we toured the studio to watch master glass blowers create this unique glass and spent the night in the medieval village. (The clear stemmed glasses in the photo are just inexpensive glasses we purchased at home.)
- Covered butter dish from Faïencerie de Gien–we visited the factory in Gien, situated in the Loire Valley. The pattern is called Caraïbes (Caribbean Islands); we have just the one dish.
- Aria stainless steel and resin flatware from Christofle–we bought these in Paris and just own a small set of forks, knives and spoons; the design has been discontinued.
Call Me Grandma on Holiday
I’ll be off for the next two weeks to refresh and retool, returning after Memorial Day on Wednesday, June 2, with more ideas for summer fun with the grandkids!
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Don’t forget to sign up for my email newsletter. Every Wednesday, I’ll give you a new idea for an activity or insight to nurture the little ones in your life. Come visit!
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]]>Easter Brunch Idea #1: Setting the Table
A pretty table sets the theme and mood. I always have a little treat at each place setting. This year, it’s Easter bunnies filled with chocolate eggs. You could purchase mini baskets such as these, and fill them with Easter candy.
Tulips or daffodils say spring, and my flower napkin rings, treat-filled plastic eggs, and little chicks will add to the Easter theme. I’ll set the table with worry-free Ikea stemmed glasses. Miss T will have her own little stemmed glass because I like a child to have facility with a glass fancier than a tumbler; Master N, just four, will use a plastic cup.
Easter Brunch Idea #2: Food for the Festivity
While I’ve decided on my table setting, I’m still working on the menu. I’ll keep it simple, except for dessert.
I’ll make an apricot tart, a recipe from Bon Appétit from 1999. I’ve made this recipe many times through the years. In my experience, the tart can finish baking as early as 15 minutes before the time specified in the recipe, so watch carefully. Also, put a rimless baking sheet under the removable-bottom tart pan to catch any drips that could ruin your oven. The baking sheet also makes it easier to remove the tart without damaging the crust.
No need to be embarrassed using canned apricots for this recipe. Even Jaques Pépin turns to canned, off-season.
The apricot tart is somewhat time-consuming. If you want less of a hassle, turn plain frosted cupcakes, made from scratch, a mix, or purchased from the bakery, into Easter bunny cupcakes.
Easter Bunny Cupcakes: Tint sweetened flaked coconut with green gel color for the grass. For the bunny, use kitchen shears to snip “V” cuts on the side of the marshmallow to form ears and dip a toothpick into brown gel color to make the face. Add jelly beans for Easter eggs.
To serve, group the cupcakes together on a cake plate and use them as a table centerpiece, or set a cupcake at each place.
Even simpler, than bunny cupcakes, just decorate any store-bought dessert with Easter decorations.
Peeps Pie: Just arrange Peeps chicks around the center of a store-bought pie.
Easter Brunch Idea #3 Baby Treats
Toddler grandkids shouldn’t be eating candy, so make bunny toasts for their Easter basket.
Bunny Toasts: Cut bunny shapes with cookie cutters from white bread. Lightly brush with melted butter on one side. Poke a small hole with a skewer for the eye and insert a currant or a small bit of raisin, pressing it into the hole with the skewer to lodge it it in firmly.
Arrange the bunnies on a baking sheet, butter-side down and bake for 5 minutes in a 350-degree F oven. Turn bunnies 
and bake about 10 to 13 minutes more, or until they are crisp, dry, and lightly browned. Test one of the bunnies by breaking it in half, to make sure it is toasted throughout. If the center is still soft, the bunnies will not stay crisp. Cool on a wire rack and package in airtight containers.
Easter Brunch Idea #4 Craft some Cascarones
I’m making some confetti eggs, called cascarones, that we can crush over the heads of one another, in the Mexican tradition This is a good project to make ahead with kids. Here’s how to make them with the grandkids, even if you are distanced.
You could use these as part of your table centerpiece, or hide them as part of an Easter egg hunt, which is quite motivating. The child who gathers the most cascarones can do the most “damage” while others who find few will be defenseless.
Easter Brunch Idea #5 Ensure a Fun Afternoon
Plan on some fun activities with the grandkids to make this gathering more than about sitting down to a meal together.
Easter Egg Hunt: I didn’t want to use real Easter eggs on the ground and in the dirt, so I bought pre-stuffed plastic eggs. Each egg is filled with a tiny finger puppet. Although they’re all supposed to be different, of the 24, 10 of mine were repeats. No matter, because I can fill those with other treats.
Easter Egg Fight: Don’t forget to tap your hard-boiled egg against an opponent’s; winner takes on another challenger and the tapping proceeds, until all the eggs but one are cracked. The person with the intact egg is the declared the winner.
Make Giant Bubbles: You can buy a giant bubble kit or make bubble solution yourself. I try to save giant bubbles for special occasions so the kids don’t tire of it.
Egg and Spoon Race: Divide into teams, and bring out the spoons and Easter eggs. When grandkids are a few years apart, as ours are, create handicaps to keep the games competitive, such as having the older one take an extra lap around the course, or having to hold the spoon out to the side.
Bingo: For a more quiet game, consider bingo. It’s one of the games the grandkids and I played over FaceTime while distant. This is a game everyone can play together. Offer small prizes to keep the game interesting.
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Don’t forget to sign up for my email newsletter! Every Wednesday, I’ll give you a new idea for an activity or insight to nurture the little ones in your life. Come visit!
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It’s our tradition to celebrate Valentine’s Day on the Friday that’s closest to our weekly family dinner. I don’t cook anything fancy, but I make it festive by setting a Valentine’s table. And we have dessert!
Steve and I used to celebrate Valentine’s Day by going out to dinner. But these days, I’m more interested in ensuring that our grandkids know that Valentine’s Day is for them, too.
Some Projects Before Valentine’s Day
A week or so before Valentine’s Day, start some projects with the grandkids:
- Bake and decorate heart-shaped cookies. Two recipes I like are from the website,Tara Teaspoon. Her sugar cookie recipe is simple and the dough is easy for kids to work. The Lemon Royal Icing, with fresh lemon juice, is zippy and delicious.
- I have had success freezing iced sugar cookies–but this is not usually recommended by the experts, so do this at your own risk. I use royal icing and ensure that the icing is completely dry and hard before proceeding. Lay the cookies in rigid, airtight containers (I like glass containers with seal-tight covers), with a sheet of waxed paper or parchment between the layers. Defrost in their container on the countertop.
- Last year, with the kindergarten teacher’s permission, Miss T took her valentine sugar cookies to school for her classmates. Each cookie was packaged in a cellophane bag and tied with ribbon. We used the remainder at each place setting for our Valentine’s Day dinner.
- Have the kids make Valentine cards for the family. I set out stickers, valentine stamps, stamp pads, paper doilies, colored paper, crayons, ribbons, and valentine cutouts from my Cricut machine.
- Grandma or grandpa could make valentines featuring photos of the family, that have been turned first into sketches. I used Sketch Guru, which used to be a free app when I used it, to create the look.
Setting the Valentine’s Table
My Valentine’s table isn’t complicated or expensive. Here are some suggestions, from Valentine’s Days through the years.
- Use red cloth or paper napkins. I have red cloth, no-iron napkins that appear every Christmas, Chinese New Year, and the Fourth of July. An easy way to dress them up for Valentine’s Day is to roll the utensils in the napkin, wrap a doily around the napkin, and tie with red ribbon.
- Red or pink flowers make my centerpiece. I don’t wait until Valentine’s Day to buy the flowers, when the selection is depleted and more expensive. I get flowers that can hold up, a few days ahead. This is especially a good idea for tulips–they stand up too stiffly when very fresh and droop gracefully when a few days older. However, roses may over-bloom, if purchased ahead.
- Scatter paper hearts and valentine chocolates on the table.
- Put a surprise at each place. I’ve used valentine cards, heart-shaped cookies like the ones shown above, and this year, there will be small, homemade truffles in heart-shaped boxes that Miss T and I have already crafted.
- Make a swag by stitching together hearts cut from cardstock and small paper doilies, using your sewing machine. Or use pink and red crepe paper streamers.
It doesn’t take much to turn an everyday family dinner into a special Valentine’s celebration.
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]]>I started this project to encourage good table manners for kids. The idea was, Miss T would set the table for our Friday night family dinners after preschool. She was just three.
Now Miss T is twelve. And while she doesn’t come home with me after school as she did then, she will still help to set the table for our weekly family dinners when she’s asked.
How it Started
Okay, I confess: when Steve and I have dinner, we often eat at the kitchen butcher block, heads buried in our iPads.
But that’s not how we raised our children. No matter how busy, we ate home-cooked meals together, sitting around our dinner table, engaged in conversation. No TV.
And when our grandkids come for our weekly Friday night dinners, we do the same. We are intent on modeling good table manners for kids and having civilized meals.
There are no electronics at our dinner table and we have rich conversations. Grandkids are expected to sit at the table and participate until dinner is over.
One way to ensure good table manners is first, to have respect for the dinner table. And one way to have respect for the table is to be the one to set the table. When Miss T was three, setting the table was more of a game. Today, it’s more of a chore–but a necessary one.
Her brother also has also been tasked with setting the table. While not as careful as his sister, N will do a creditable job. He was six when he started.
How a 3-Year-Old Sets the Table
To help her remember the positions for the knife, fork, napkin and water glass, I drew Miss T a little diagram. But then the independent child drew her own–and a much better drawing than mine!
Miss T would arrange the china and flatware following her schematic, setting the table on tiptoes because she couldn’t quite reach beyond the table edge.
Place Cards as an Incentive
We made place cards from cardstock; if the child sets the table, she is allowed to determine where everyone will sit for that particular dinner. Miss T likes the power this role brings.
However, being in charge of seating carries some responsibilities. Even at three, she had to think about who would be best sitting where. For example, her little brother, still in his high chair, should be seated by mommy or daddy for support.
Rather than grouping her family together, she should mix it up so grandma and grandpa are integrated into the group; that way, we can all participate in the dinnertime conversation.
Originally, we just hand-wrote the names of family members on plain cardstock. But then, I bought us a place card stamp. Today, Miss T does both the stamping on white cardstock and the writing of names in her beautiful French cursive.
When we were growing up–and when our kids were growing up–we all had our regular places at the dinner table. Now, because we mix it up with place cards, depending on how cards are set, we get to sit at various positions around the table. This gives us different views–facing the living room, facing the kitchen, or facing the garden. It’s more fun that way.
Importance of Table Setting
Setting the table may seem a trivial chore, but it’s important for kids to have a sense of participation in the evening’s dinner. (They’ve also been taught by their parents to help bus the table afterwards.)
I always have flowers from our garden on our dinner table. When our garden is bare, I turn to the farmers’ market or Trader Joe’s. So no matter how simple the fare–even if it’s takeout burgers–we demonstrate to the kids that dinnertime is a special, cherished family time.
What Children Learn from this Activity
- How to follow a “map:” If you hand the kids a drawing or photo of how the table should be set, they will learn to replicate the placement; in effect, learning to follow a map.
- Precision and placement of objects following a plan: Instead of dropping utensils willy nilly on the table, kids learn the proper way to place them. It’s a good lesson in doing something correctly.
- Responsibility for part of the dinnertime experience: Kids learn that you don’t just sit down and eat; you help to set up for the dinner.
- Understanding relationships of people in a social setting: Place cards give kids responsibility for determining who would sit most companionably with whom.
- Respect for the table and the act of dining: When a child helps to put in their effort to advance the dinner, they will learn to respect the dinner experience, encouraging good table manners for kids.
Table Setting Today
We started the table setting exercise in the days when Miss T went to preschool and I would pick her up every Friday after school. We did many educational activities during our time together, such as keeping a calendar of what we saw on the way home or playing math games on the bus.
These days, the children come to our weekly dinners with their parents just before dinnertime so they rarely are asked to set the table. Mostly, it’s done before they arrive.
We still use the place cards and I try to give family members an opportunity to sit at different places around the table and next to different people. In fact, since we don’t have regular assigned seats, if we don’t have place cards, everyone gets a little confused about where they should sit!
I still have Miss T’s schematic in my napkin drawer. If called upon to set the table for grandma, she no longer needs to look at it, of course. But it’s a lovely memento of purposeful art done by a three-year-old that illustrates the pains she took to do her job correctly.
And she’ll still take out the place cards to arrange the seating to her liking. That remains the perk for setting the table.
I love it when Miss T can come to our house the night before a special dinner, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, when we can cook, bake, and set the table together. I hope, when she grows up, that setting the table with grandma will become one of the activities she remembers fondly.
Only time will tell.
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Sign up here for my email newsletter. Every Wednesday, I’ll give you a new idea for an activity or insight to nurture the little ones in your life. And once you subscribe, I’ll send you a link so you can download your set of quick and easy recipes as my thanks to you.
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