How to Engage Older Grandkids by Cooking Together

I hate to tell you this, but your days as a grandparent to little ones will be short-lived. Before you know it, simple trips to the playground or cheap toys like bubble wands will no longer delight.

I know because I’m there now. Miss T is 12 and N is 9. They grow up fast.

What’s a grandma to do? I turned to my friend Sharon in New York for advice.

Meet the Family

Sharon is a grandmother of three. The oldest, 18-year-old granddaughter C, just finished her first year of college. The middle grandson J, 16, is a junior in high school. And the youngest, CH, at 13, is in 7th grade.

The grandkids live in Connecticut, which is in easy drive from New York City for Sharon and her husband, Larry.

The kids have diverse pastimes and personalities, so no one type of engagement fits all. But they share a collective interest: they are drawn to things culinary, nurtured through the years by Grandma Sharon.

Sowing the Seeds

“When they were little, I did a lot of cooking with them.” Sharon recalls. “Now they all love to cook and know how to cook.”

Sharon’s stellar culinary career as a professional chef, then as a respected authority on kitchenware for national media, ensured an excellent one-on-one culinary education for her grandkids.

She continues to cook with the oldest and youngest. The middle grandson has little time for cooking in his busy social life. Still, for a class speech about how to do something perfectly, he elected ‘How to Cook a Perfect Steak’ as his topic.

“I was happy that he chose something I could do with him and help him with,” she says.

Tips for Cooking with Younger Kids

When kids are little, it’s best not to regiment them, Sharon advises. “When cooking with kids, let them do their own thing and make mistakes. The way I cook with them hasn’t changed since they were little.

“Pizzas don’t have to come out perfectly like you find in a magazine. I could perfect what they do but I hold back as much as I can. Let them do it themselves, take pride in what they do, and present what they do with confidence.”

Grandma’s Tips for Cooking with Grandkids

Cooking Projects for Older Grandkids

Now that they are older, Sharon can tackle more sophisticated projects:

• When the kids were younger, they made pizza with store-bought dough; now they make the dough from scratch.
• Since her granddaughter was interested in learning to make sushi, Sharon took her shopping for fish and then they made sushi together.

• When her granddaughter wanted to try her hand at Indian food, the duo headed to Jackson Heights, which has a significant Indian population. They had lunch at an Indian restaurant, shopped for ingredients, and cooked an Indian meal at home.
• Sharon’s youngest grandson loves key lime pie. So they made one together from scratch.

You don’t have to be a culinary expert like Sharon to interact with your grandkids in the kitchen. Start by cooking together the simple recipes you do best. Or explore cooking videos and cookbooks. It doesn’t matter if the dish doesn’t come out exactly right; it’s the bonding time that counts.

Most kids like to cook–and to eat. So they’ll have fun on your culinary explorations together. They’ll be rewarded with something delicious and a sense of personal accomplishment afterwards.

Holiday Cooking

“I cook at my daughter’s house a few days in advance to prepare for the holiday meal,” Sharon says. “I used to do all the work, but now the grandkids help.” Her granddaughter selects the dishes she wants to make and Sharon lets her have a go at it.

Given that it’s a special occasion, it’s hard to keep from wanting to exercise control, but Sharon says, “I bite my tongue and let them do what they want to do and to serve what they make. The cuts may not be as precise as I would make them. The pie may not be totally professional, but they can feel proud of what they do.”

Sharon’s youngest grandson loves to prepare the turkey. “I let him help,” she says. “He knows that herbs go under the skin and that I rub the turkey with olive oil. Last year, he stood next to me while I carved the turkey; next year, he may be ready to carve it. I’ll give him the carving knife and fork and coach him through the process.”

“Don’t squelch their enthusiasm,” Sharon cautions. “It’s great that they can do what they do and they have an interest. Each time, they’ll learn how to cook and how to present. As they get older, their presentation skills will improve.”

Introducing the Restaurant Experience

When he turned 13, CH asked to be taken to a Michelin-starred restaurant. Together, grandma and grandson googled menus of Michelin restaurants in New York City. A lover of beef, CH chose Le Coucou, a beautiful, very romantic restaurant, with a big open kitchen.

“It was expensive and worth every penny we paid,” Sharon marvels. “I was happy I could give him the experience. It was heartwarming.

Create a pretend restaurant to teach dining etiquette to kids.

“He was such a trouper; he ate everything, including the beef tartare with caviar–just the way the chef serves it. He had all four courses, including the quenelles, which is the specialty of the chef. And he ate every bite. He ate everything–including my dessert his dessert.”

Sharon was especially affected by the kindness of the waiter. The restaurant was not designed for children but the waiter took great pains to make the 13-year-old comfortable.

Around the holidays, Sharon would take her granddaughter for afternoon tea at the Plaza Hotel. “It’s very special for a little girl who has read the Eloise stories,” she says.

Make fascinators and have a tea party at home with the grandkids.

She finds the splurge worth the cost. “Eating at a very fancy restaurant..watching how food is served…it’s a different type of experience,” she says.

There’s Still Room for “Babysitting”

“When the grandkids were little, they liked for us to come to the house to babysit them. Now they have their own friends and their own activities They’re not as motivated to have us come up; protesting that they don’t need babysitting,” Sharon acknowledges.

Recently, when their parents went away on a business trip, Sharon and Larry stayed four nights with the grandkids. The older ones didn’t think a babysitter was necessary, but the parents wanted to ensure the youngest made it to school on time each day.

On one of the days, Sharon and her granddaughter took a trip to New Haven. They spent a few hours at the Yale Museum Art Gallery and went on a self-guided tour of the Yale campus. Then they had Indian street food for dinner.

“It was just the most wonderful day,” Sharon recalls. “To do something totally grown up with her. We spent a lot of time looking at African art and South American art. She was interested in talking about it afterwards. The day was just for the two of us.”

Your Influence as a Grandparent

Cooking is not the only way you can have lasting impact on the grandchildren. You might be doing it just playing a game, as Sharon discovered.

“When the kids were growing up, we played Scrabble a lot,” Sharon explains. “When I play Scrabble with the grandkids, I don’t go for the jugular.

“I don’t let them win. But I’ll open the board (when the tiles are blocked with few places to move).”

Sharon was surprised and touched when she learned how their Scrabble games became the centerpiece of her granddaughter’s college essay. “When I read her essay. I cried,” Sharon says. “It was about me. What I had taught her.”

She had written about life lessons learned playing Scrabble that went beyond finessing the game. “Taking your time thinking about things…looking at the whole board…thinking about all the options. Look again…don’t take the first easiest option…look for a bigger reward.

“She took such valuable lessons from playing Scrabble with me that weren’t always apparent to me when we’re actually playing,” she marvels.

Looking Forward

Talking to Sharon, I can see how growing up doesn’t meant we lose touch with our grandchildren. We can enjoy shared activities and reach a rewarding adult relationship. We can continue to bond.

Next Week on “Call Me Grandma!”

We’ll have fun pressing flowers and make pressed flower stickers.

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